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Hello, reward department? When can I pick up my check?

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No kidding, this really was the front page of the Cebu Daily News on Friday, March 14, 2008. Since then, I heard the Police Superintendent has been fired, but not because he was one of the robbers. I think they said he bungled some other case, even though the rank-and-file seems to adore him. You can read the article if you actually care about the details.

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Back in the Philippines for Christmas. Amy and I wish you and yours the very finest of holiday seasons!

In many ways the Philippines has more freedom than the United States, and even the plummeting dollar goes a long way there. You can accomplish many things with very little effort in the Philippines.

Here’s an example: Helpers. That’s the Filipino nickname for maids. Actually, I guess you could say “helper” is the generic term for maid, cook, nanny, chauffeur, and general laborer. It’s basically anyone you hire to help around the house. And it’s a neat system which has deep roots in the culture of the Philippines.

Young people feel strongly compelled to contribute to their family, especially when it comes time to take care of their parents. For example, if a you graduate from high school but don’t go to college, you might be expected to get a job to help out. An easy way to do this is to get a job as a live-in maid (or any of the jobs listed above). The job pays well by local standards since it includes free room and board. And typically it isn’t a very hard job to do; if you get a job as a maid you’ll be doing roughly the same thing you would have been doing at home. Only now you can take pride in the fact that you are sending money home so that your parents, younger brothers and sisters, etc., can eat and maybe even go to school.

A helper is roughly $30 per month. That’s 24 hours per day, seven days per week. For all intents and purposes, they become a member of your family, but they get the worst family chores. They cook, do the dishes, sweep, mop, scrub toilets, take care of the baby and fertilize the garden. They also do the laundry by hand, since clothes washing machines are almost unheard of in the Philippines.

You don’t need to fill out any government paperwork to hire a helper. No tax forms or social security red tape to deal with. Pretend for a moment that you lived in the Philippines… If helpers were $30 per month, how many would you hire?

I recently (technically speaking it was August 7 at almost midnight) quit smoking and I’ve been meaning to put some words in print about the experience.

It was the easiest thing ever to quit, thanks to a book called The Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Allen Carr. After over 20 years of smoking I literally turned it off overnight (actually, the time zone is sort of fuzzy since I was on a flight around the world at the time) without any pain or cravings whatsoever.

Now that I mention it out loud it’s kind of embarrassing to have been hooked on nicotine for so long. I suppose that’s a good thing; perhaps the shame of it will keep me off the juice for good. But generally I consider myself to be a strong person — I can make up my mind to accomplish something and succeed. And so I am amazed that I put off dealing with my cigarette problem for so long.

Wanna know what the problem with smoking was, for me? It was traveling. I enjoy flying around the world and doing things, but cigarettes make the process excruciatingly painful.

First, getting on an airplane for 12 hours to get to the other side of the planet is bad enough. You have to quit smoking every time you go anywhere. Even a simple trip to the other side of the country is torture, considering airport security. During a layover, you have to go outside security to have a cigarette and then get back through security when you are finished.

Worse than that is the fact that American cigarettes, sadly, are the best in the world by far. There is no country on earth with tobacco as fine as American tobacco. If you run out of smokes when you are on the other side of the planet, it’s actually worth it to fly 12 hours back just to buy a few new cartons. Having someone ship American cigarettes to you overseas is almost impossible considering every country taxes tobacco and they don’t want the competition. As a result it’s very difficult to get tobacco through customs.

Most countries allow you to bring two cartons with you (that’d be 400 cigarettes, enough to last the average smoker 2-3 weeks) when you arrive, for personal use only. However, it doesn’t matter how long you are planning to stay. If you will be in that country for two months, you don’t get to bring extra smokes with you. If you are staying for two months, you’ll need to switch to a locally-available brand when you run out of the good stuff. Or an “international” version of a USA brand (for example, they sell Marlboro brand cigarettes all around the world.) It’s just more torture. The international versions of USA brands taste like the floor of a NYC taxi. Well, even more so than the USA version, I suppose. It all depends on your perspective… Now that I’ve quit, I imagine they would all taste that way to me.

So, to be perfectly honest, that’s why I quit smoking. I was planning a trip to the Philippines for a few months, and quitting smoking was actually the easiest, least painful thing I could do for the trip. Either I quit smoking or I would have several months of cravings and irritability. I officially quit before the trip and haven’t looked back.

Yep, I’m back in the Seattle area but not for long.

I dunno if I’ve officially mentioned this out loud yet, but I’m planning on moving to the Philippines permanently. I’ll fly back and forth if I am needed physically in America (or anywhere else, for that matter). I figure on buying a house or condo and being there most of the time.

Yep, bizarre how life works. In America, I would never consider buying a house in a subdivision. Cookie-cutter McMansions on postage-stamp sized lots? The homeowners association gets to decide what color my curtains can be? That’s just plain madness. For years I’ve been laughing at people who sign their home-owning freedoms away and pay monthly for the privilege.

But in the Philippines it might make sense. The major issue is a simple matter of security since, at least for the time being, I will be traveling back and forth to the US for business. If I need to be in America for a few months, I don’t want to worry about my house being disassembled piece-by-piece and carried off to be processed into napkin holders or hotdogs or some such.

A problem specific to the Philippines is the videoke phenomenon. Essentially, videoke is the name Filipinos use for karaoke. But they like it really loud. And in general Filipinos can’t quite sing as well as, say, William Hung. Remember him? Videoke bars are commonly just run from within a family’s living room, and whoever can afford to buy a videoke machine can open up a new bar. That person might just be your neighbor, and it might just go on all night, unless you happen to live in a subdivision with a homeowners association that has rules preventing that sort of thing.

Plus I can probably park my car there for a few months and not have to worry about it too much. Subdivisions also seem to have the best chance of high-speed internet too.

So you add it all up and suddenly buying in a subdivision makes sense. Give a guy a wedding and he goes right down the tubes, doesn’t he?

I found a nice looking used car lot in Manila, but that’s on a different island. The locals tell me that it is possible to get a RORO (”Roll on, Roll off”, or automobile ferry) between Cebu City and Manila, but no one knows where to sign up for it. If it was somewhat easy, I’d buy a new car and drive it back.

I’m heading back to the US in a few days, I’ll post more photos when I get there. Internet access is SO much better in the US than here, and it makes a difference when you are trying to upload pictures. I’ll just need to arrange my life so I don’t need to upload pictures, right?

Just for the record, we are officially the happiest husband and wife on the planet.

Due to the recent engagement, wedding, and honeymoon activities here, I’m way behind on my work. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am now a married man. All you single girls can stop calling me now.

I will try to fill in more details later.

It’s official!

On September 20th, 2007 I asked the girl of my dreams if she would be my wife, and she said yes! I’m still getting over it myself.

More details will follow, but weddings can happen pretty quick in this part of the world. Stay tuned.

Any amount of blogging about Daanbantayan whatsoever wouldn’t be complete without some discussion of Malapascua. It’s an island just off the north tip of Cebu, and it’s where all the tourists go for SCUBA diving, white sand beaches, palm trees, and other touristy things.

My friend Skip (of Skip’s Beach Resort in Daanbantayan, Cebu, Philippines) is married to Amy’s sister Belle. Even though Belle and Amy are locals and they live within a stone’s throw of Malapascua, neither of them had ever been there before and they both wanted to go. I’ve been there twice previously and had no particular desire to go back, except it was a good excuse to spend some time with Skip and the girls. So off we went.

If you happen to be anywhere near the north end of the island, many people will ask you, “Have you been to Malapascua yet?” This is either because they think it’s the only thing worth seeing on the north end of Cebu OR because every foreigner they’ve ever met has told them that they were passing through on their way to/from Malapascua.

(Above: The chickens-and-goats express boat to Malapascua)

Getting to and from the island of Malapascua is by boat, and it can be something of an adventure (depending on the weather). If the weather is nice, you’ll have a pleasant 30-40 minute boat ride in either direction. If the weather isn’t nice? Don’t make the trip. If you’re already there, just spend another night (you’ll have fun anyway, right?)

There is, in theory, regular boat service between Cebu island and Malapascua that costs 40 pesos (about a dollar) per person each way. In practice it works much differently. Every time I’ve been there, whenever you want to leave, you just missed the last regularly-scheduled boat back to Cebu for the day. However the hawkers on the beach will be happy to arrange a “special,” which means a private boat just for your party. A typical price for a special is around 800 pesos (a little under $20 USD).

It’s not as calculated as it sounds though. Most of the tourists spend the night, so most of the regular departures are in the morning. For locals who visit just for the day it can be a bit trickier. The majority of people on the island don’t want to leave in the late afternoon or early evening.

(Above: Amy on the trip back)

I’m glad I’ve been there. But to me, it seems like Malapascua is pretty much like everywhere else in the Philippines: blue ocean, beautiful beaches, palm trees, and friendly people. I’m certified for open water as well as Nitrox mixed gas diving, so if I had more time I might be interested in the SCUBA — it’s supposed to be some of the best in the Philippines.

The one extra benefit you’ll find in Malapascua is the food; since it’s a tourist zone there are several good restaurants. We stopped for lunch at a nice Italian place (it’s pretty hard to find Italian in the Philippines).

If you happen to be visiting the north end of Cebu anyway, I would recommend going to see Malapascua just so you can tell the locals that you’ve already been there. That way you can continue strolling uninterrupted.